Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
