thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
