There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
