hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
