So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
