what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I look better un-naked...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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