as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
