honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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