sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I love having hate sex.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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