ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
