im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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