I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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