I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
