I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize