atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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