I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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