He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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