When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
