I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
