We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
