my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
