Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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