he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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