totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
