Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize