I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
