Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
