Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
