I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize