I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
