If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have aggressive nipples.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
