YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
too bad you live with your parents still
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
