Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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