Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
