Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
