it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
