evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize