we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
