Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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