bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
