Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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