I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
