There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
