How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
