Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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