K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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