I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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