that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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