Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
