I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
