thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
