she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize