69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
