if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize