I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
