I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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