I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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