I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
