Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have aggressive nipples.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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