We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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