Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
