Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize