I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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