This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
