I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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