Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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