Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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