it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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