still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
