hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think my moral compass just broke
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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