I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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