Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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