I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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