I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
