Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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