So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize