woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
