Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
