No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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