How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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