whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
