i just wanna soil my oats bro
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
